Ah, Black Friday. The one day each year where you can pay for an iPad in cash, credit, or the blood of the friends you made in line outside. Everything's on the table.

Last year, the good people of DeKalb County were forced to rely solely on ads to get them where they needed to be when the starting gun fired on Thanksgiving night. This year, however, Southern Torch has your back with some of the more head-turning offers. Who has time to read, right? Black Friday weeds out the weak. It's just natural selection.


KMART

SALE HIGHLIGHTS
6 a.m. to 5 p.m. (Thanksgiving Day)
-Android 7" Tablet- $39.99
-Select board games- Buy 1 get 1 free
-Home and kitchen appliances as low as $4.99
-Seiki 50" LED TV- $399.99
-XBOX 360 with Kinect- $299.99
-48" Air Hockey and Foosball Tables- $39.99
7 p.m. to 3 a.m. (Thanksgiving Night)
-42" RCA LED TV- $299.99 **(Members only)**
-32" RCA LED/DVD TV- $199.99
-Samsung BluRay player- $59.99
-Toshiba DVD/VCR- $89.99 (VCR. You read it right.)
-Wii U Bundle Kit- $299.99 **(Members only)**
6 a.m. to noon (Friday)
-32" Seiki LED TV- $169
-Select toys- Buy 1 Get 1 free
-Evolution Boys' and Girls' mountain bikes- $69.99
-Select kitchen appliances as low as $9.99
-Women's Athletech lightweight puffer jackets- $15
-Men's Sportfleece zip hoodies and pullovers- $10


WALMART

NOTE: Walmart is offering a one-hour in stock guarantee. Rain checks will be given.
SALE HIGHLIGHTS
6 p.m. (Thanksgiving Night)
-32" Funai LED (720p) TV- $98
-60" Vizio Smart LED TV- $688
-iPad Mini- $299
-HP Pavilion Touchsmart 14-B109WM Laptop - $278
-Xbox One system- $499
-PS4 System - $399
-Over 100 video game titles as low as $10
-DVD's as low as $1.96
-BluRay discs as low as $3.96
-29" Steel fire pit - $22
-20" Hardside rolling suitcases - $25
-Black and Decker 12 cup coffee maker - $9.44
-Rachel Ray 15-piece cookware set - $89
-Scooters - $13
-20" Boys' and Girls' bikes- $49
8 p.m. (Thanksgiving Night)
-Beats by Dr. Dre Headphones - $114.95
-50" Emerson LED TV - $288
-Phillips Blu-Ray 3-D home theater set - $118
-HP Envy wireless printer - $69
8 a.m. (Friday Morning)
-iPhone 5c - $45 (with contract)
-iPhone 5s - $189 (with contract)
- Samsung Galaxy S 4 Smart Phone - $99 (with contract)
-GoodYear tires as low as $49 each
-StackOn Fire/Waterproof gun case - $497
-Nikon D5100 dsLR Camera - $499
-Canon T3 dsLR Camera Bundle - $449
-GoPro Hero 3: White edition - $199

Because DeKalb County's premier shopping malls consist of Walmart and Kmart, that's what we're preparing you for. If you're brave enough to venture into the waters of Huntsville, Chattanooga or even *gulp* Birmingham, this information will not be enough to protect you. Southern Torch is not legally responsible for any injuries to your person or morale.